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Dear Counsellor

Dear Counsellor

I find it difficult to trust my spouse. Please can you help?

Dear Writer

Trust is very important for a strong connection to be formed in any relationship. If this is not present, it will be difficult for the relationship to progress to deeper and meaningful level.

The speed at which trust is developed will vary for different couples over a period of time. However, what is crucial is that a good environment is created to allow this to happen. These are a few things that can be done:

Set Boundaries

Define what they are  Clearly convey to your spouse your limits i.e. time to yourself, the things you feel comfortable about letting others know about the relationship.

Speak about them – set aside a time when you are relaxed and calm to have the discussion.

Understand that you will have different views – Be willing to come to an agreement with each person compromising something to meet in the middle. 

Review them – occasionally check how things are getting on with each other to prevent you falling back into bad habits

Open communication

This is an essential part in building trust, being able to talk openly about your worries, doubts and hopes

Pay attention to past learning – We carry positive and negative learning from previous relationships. Learn to recognise how these messages could be impacting the present. Challenge these messages and do not always give into them. 

Work at set backs

All relationships have challenges. In order to maintain a strong bond, you must deal with the problems and then move on.

Stop and analyse how you are feeling

Think about your role in the thing that went wrong

Talk about what happened.

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